it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
