Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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