I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
