She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
