I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
