I'm so fucking centered right now
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
