I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
