I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Actions speak louder than pants.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
