i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
