Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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