You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
