I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
