i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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