I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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