how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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