I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
