This house was built for laser tag.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
