how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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