im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize