The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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