Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
