Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
