Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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