You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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