YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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