his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
