I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
