Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize