end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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