three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
