My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
