Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
