i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
