so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He felt like a one man threesome
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize