Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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