i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
