it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
