I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
