I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize