I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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