I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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