guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
