I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
