I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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