Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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