So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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