there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
