if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
