Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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