He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
