Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
