My pussy is not your playground.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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