That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
