She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
