I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
