It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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