Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
