Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
