ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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