the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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