A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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