Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
