sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
