Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
