why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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