i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
are you so shy because you have an std?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
