I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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