I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
