i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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