I'm so fucking centered right now
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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