Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
