So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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