Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
