My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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