Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
