Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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