put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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