i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize