oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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