apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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