that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
