Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
