and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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