dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
