Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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