Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
